skidding in sideways

Genericly Personal

2009-11-16T17:28:00.005-05:00

nothing better than receiving a generic email such as this one from HotDate920:

Let me explain myself to you! I am 5' 8" with dark hair and Dark eyes. I also spend alot of time with friends and family, Oh yeah, I work out at the gym 4-5 days a week. I am a beach bunny who needs a friend who wants to go skydiving soon! How about you? LOL Anyways, I just moved to Atlanta, GA and I am 31 and work in health care. cant wait to hear from you.

ok, several things worth noting:

dark eyes? like evil eyes?
a beach bunny? isn't that a female term? and where in atlanta is he beach bunnying?
what kind of health care? do you clean the toilets in the hospital room b/c that working in health care.

however, maybe i should email him back and say we can meet if he takes me skydiving!

i'm fairly certain he just wrote this, cut and pasted it into six dozen emails to various women hoping one would bite.

seriously thinking about the skydiving offer though....

2009-11-15T14:07:00.003-05:00

this is too good not to post immediately:

this is JoJo30549, who says I am a laid back kinda go with the flow kind of guy. I have never been married although I sometimes think that I let the perfect one get away (awesome, you are still hung up on some girl). I am also a workaholic (which means you will have no time for a girlfriend or a life) and spend the majority of my time either at work or talking about work (hope it's an interesting job). With a schedule like I have it makes it almost impossible to meet women. It never used to be a problem when I was younger (b/c i prefer to meet women when i'm drunk) but I guess when you give up the clubbing that's what you get (so he misses the random hookup girls from the club?). I would just like to meet someone that enjoys the same things that I do (doesn't everyone JoJo) and someone I can talk to about anything (especially work). And of course there has to be a physical attraction (b/c he's not going to date an ugly girl).

ok, there are so many problems with this profile, if you can't spot them, then there is a reason you are still single. yes, jojo, i want to go out with you and you baggage that you haven't checked yet and hear you talk about work and pray that you find me attractive.

pu-lease!

Matchmaker make me a match

2009-11-15T13:05:00.003-05:00

Disclaimer: i am not going to get too personal on here, i'm not going to post successes, if you want to know about that, you can ask me personally. i am going to start with my thoughts on this concept.

Match.com is personal want ads without using silly abbreviations like SWF looking for SWM etc.

i wasn't on there officially and i get this message from sipnpassok, this is a few snippets from his profile:
i like this, I try to be truthful at all costs, because I have learned that it is always better than telling a lie just to spare someone feelings. When it's all said and done, that person will be hurt more from the lie than the truth. i like his profile, but he's really not my type. but see that's the problem, i just dismissed him b/c of a stupid profile and his picture. but, it was the first hit, i have to keep looking.

then, i get this message from sdhrun16:
So, question showing interest. If you could go anywhere and do anything without any consequences... What would it be? 5-paragraph essay is acceptable. i had a flashback to the GRE and panicked and didn't respond. then his profile said he likes someone who doesn't get stressed out too much, which at this point in my life, he would run from me. next....

Jim in Columbia, SC started my day next. put a big X on that one, columbia? really? desperate?

goodgui824 winked at me a couple of days ago, then im-ed me this morning, i didn't respond, he asked if i was there. i haven't responded yet you gui so leave it. who spells guy gui anyway? match.com has im. it's too much!

and winking is lame, if a guy has to wink and then expect me to email him, automatic X. grow a set and send me an email first.

like i said, no success stories will be posted, however, i am having fun doing this.

more later....

Serendipitous Moments

2009-05-30T07:37:00.003-05:00

For the record I spelled serendipitous right the first time.

Thursday, I went to Perimeter College, where in just over 1 week I will finally be starting the process of going back to school!!! I had to go over there to take care of some incompetence b/c I swear the people there don't know their heads from their asses. Case in point, I was filling out the appropriate financial aid forms that they never told me I needed and the "adviser" finds an error. Oh yeah, they dropped me from the two classes that I registered and paid for over a month ago. With no notice! There was no "by the way, you aren't signed up anymore" nothing! THEY NEVER EVEN NOTIFIED ME! How incompetent is that??? And to top if off, NO ONE had ever seen the error message before. Seriously? So I tried to remain calm with the financial aid woman and practically stomped down to the "advising" office to find out WTF!

I'm given the new "adviser" who doesn't know the system at all, and after many anticipated minutes of waiting for him to finally print out the piece of paper that told me nothing, he informs me that the classes I had been signed up for would NOT help me get into PT school. Needless to say, I can call everyone who previously "helped" me INCOMPETENT. Idiots! I can't tell you how many times I had to explain I was taking science classes to go to Physical Therapy School and no one thought to process this apparently.

Here's the serendipitous part, b/c every cloud has a silver lining, the "adviser" sends me down to the Head of the Science Department. She tells me that he is right and that those classes would be worthless. So, she proceeds to sign me up for Pre-calculus (I tried and clearly failed at avoiding this one) and an advanced Biology. All of that said, basically, I really feel like this just shows how much more in control God is than me! I mean, to be randomly dropped from wrong classes and then put on the right track. It was a pain in the butt, but totally worth it. What if I had paid out of state tuition and busted my ass for 2 classes that wouldn't even count or transfer?? Not cool. But God stepped in and gave me my serendipitous moment. I love those!

June 8th, I will be walking in to Biology with a Lab and June 9th walking into Pre-Calculus and starting my journey of being a Doctorate of Physical Therapy. Did you read that right? B/c it said DOCTORATE OF PHYSICAL THERAPY. Who knew I would go from a silly bachelor of science (BS - get it?) degree to something in the medical profession? Crazy! Of course I actually have to be accepted to a program, but I'm know this is what God has called me to do, so here I go! I'm actually doing this!

Go Jump Off a Cliff

2009-05-22T14:17:00.003-05:00

Let me say that I did not write this, I just feel this way, and it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one.

Being 20-something... They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are going back to school and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but they love someone else.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

In conclusion, with the words of Annie Dillard, "If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be too cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."

the silence is deafening

2009-03-30T08:40:00.005-05:00

Jackson Pollock

I can’t explain the number of things that go through my head minute-by-minute. It’s really quite loud, so loud that I sometimes have to sit in silence, which ends up not being silent at all, but allows me to hear myself think. Usually it’s trivial things, like what I want to eat, what I want to wear, an argument with myself about whether I should run or sleep, put up laundry or not. The problem with thinking so much is sometimes I do stupid things like sleep over running and leaving my laundry to sit in a pile another day. Sometimes when the thoughts become more serious I begin writing in my journal.

Let me explain my journal. I bought it with lofty goals of it one day being published into a magnificent memoir where people would read it over coffee, talk about it with their friends, rave about it in the NY Times, etc. (one of my life goals is to publish a book, but probably a “See Spot Run” book). But what it became is the place where I cry out to God, where I make life decisions, where I list goals and lament pain. So in reality it’s just a mess, such a mess I am often embarrassed by what I’ve written and find it far from being worth a book review. Au contraire, it should be burned once I’ve dotted the last period on the last page. I don’t want anyone to read it, such an action may lead me to be committed to a mental institution. But it’s become a necessary part of my life to write down what I’m thinking, like I said, there were big decisions made on those pages.

But I digress, on to the point of this entry, I’ve just been commissioned to teach a young boy of 12 how to write, to get thoughts out of his head onto paper. And while I want to help him, I have to wonder am I equipped for such an important task? I am being asked to shape this kid’s writing future! How do I teach someone how to write his thoughts coherently when I often write serious gibberish? I wasn’t forced into this commission by any means; it’s an excellent challenge for me, much more so than making coffee. I just hope he learns something and will thank me in the opening lines of his own memoir that will undoubtedly be much more spectacular than my first attempt.

God and I have the best conversations in my car

2007-07-15T08:08:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about this a lot, I guess I'm a slow applier, b/c I've always heard this, just never felt like I got it in my life.

Let me explain...

I've been really happy, no, more like joyful, only to be explained as divine contentment. Just really excited about how God is working in my life and at peace knowing he's got it under control and I'm letting him. But as I love my life I can't help but think of the verse Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matt. 10:39) I've been questioning how I can love my life, but not love my life.

This past week has been weird, I've kind of been emotionless, not happy, not sad, not mad, just blah, which is uncharacteristic of me, I usually wear my emotions on my sleeve and I have no real reason to be unhappy, as I said before things are fabulous.

Last night, it hit me, I think we go through highs (loving the life we are living) and lows (nothing is satisfying) b/c nothing in this this world can really satisfy us. We weren't created for this world and we were created to worship God. So when I'm unhappy or emotionless maybe it's because I'm not worshiping God enough or maybe it's because I won't be happy until I'm in heaven with my Father.

I think it's good I'm a little emotionless, maybe even a little unhappy, that means I'm not so attached to the things of this world or I should say becoming less attached and less fulfilled. I'm realizing I wasn't created for this world and will never be fully happy until I'm out of this world. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pulling for the dream job, dream house beneath the mountains and a little convertible, but I think I'm just realizing that those are things that I can be blessed with and be happy without, but their importance is less relevant.

this may be a bit of a stretch here

2007-06-27T08:45:00.000-05:00

but i'm going to go for it anyway. disclaimer, i am in no way tooting my own horn by saying the following statements and i do have a point, you can read the post from April 11th to be sure as i still feel like that most days.

also, this post has 2 points and in my mind they tie together.

first, let me say that women like exclusivity. i've never experienced said exclusivity, seems like guys just like to stare, yell, honk, blow kisses and toss cheesy pick up lines at me. all highly entertaining i might add, thanks for making my day by making a fool of yourself random guy. all this to say that none of that is flattering to me, it means nothing unless there is some commitment made. i'm definitely NOT saying i want one of the random guys to commit to me, i'm just saying it is all meaningless.

so yesterday i was driving along and within a 5 minute gap i had some sleazy looking man stare me down and then, this is classic, an even sleazier looking guy blows me a kiss as he's driving by. seriously?

that was the part you can laugh at. this is the part you can think about.

i don't think this is a revolutionary idea, just a reflection. i think the way i feel and any other woman is much the way God feels when we don't give him exclusivity. God wants to exclusively be the only one we delight ourselves in. too often i know that i throw my love around to different things, running, friends, work, success, etc. and then God fits in there somehow rather than being the start of my day, the purpose of my day and the only thing that ultimately matters in my life.

(Psa 37:4-6) Delight yourself also in the LORD

it's no wonder Christ compares his love for the church to marriage.

i don't know why i related the two, sleazy men flirting with me to Christ's love and desire to be exlcusivly loved by me, but i just went there.

4.5 months later...

2007-05-17T10:37:00.000-05:00

and i find an additional job!! yay! I don't really know why it took 5 months to find a part time job. perhaps what is to follow is why? i have gotten used to this whole being my own boss, so stepping back into an office will be tough! but i'm so thankful i found something! i'll be able to pay all my bills for the first time all year!

i'll be working at http://www.pdaconsultants.com/ doing admin stuff, I'm not going to attempt to explain what I'll be doing, I'm not entirely sure, but if you know much about Excel, please tell me, I'll probably need to call you from under my desk for help b/c I took this test yesterday and wow, i know nothing.

It's just a temp job until the end of June, but it pays better than retail and it's a block from my house.

But the SWEET part is this: I applied for a job with the Junior League of Raleigh. The position is for a par time Development Coordinator (which i know means nothing to 99.9% of you reading this), but it's in the fundraising sector. I work part time with the best fundraising consultant in the city. And It probably wouldn't start until the beginning of July...you can see where this is going.....this would be PERFECT!

So I'm praying REALLY hard that I'll get this. B/c it would all come together and make a little more sense.

"Be great at the wait. Be patient - the ability to persevere is what separates whiners from winners."

Just call me Grasshopper...

2007-05-12T03:41:00.000-05:00

I've been really frustrated this week about my job situation. I thought things were going well, I had a lot of leads, but they were all in these really boring places doing mind numbing work. I began to accept my fate as an admin assistant, but my heart certainly wasn't there. And through that process began to really question God, "Hello God, why can't I find a job? And will I be forced to work somewhere doing something I hate?" I was growing impatient and discouraged.
(by the way, I got an email yesterday for a part time (!) job with a nonprofit doing fundraising (hello, I work with one of the best nonprofit fundraisers around!) Please pray that I get this one!!

So here I am at 4:30 Saturday morning telling you what God just told me (funny the times he picks).

Again, Oswald Chambers pulls me through a "crisis" from My Utmost for His Highest.

"But if we stay true to God, God will take us through an ordeal that will serve to bring us into a better knowledge of Himself."(April 26) I hate it when I find myself questioning God, He always comes back with something like this and I feel foolish, when will I learn?

"As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him." (Ps. 18:30)

It gets better..."When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers and God seems to be nonexistent."(June 5)

BUT God has said, "Never will I leave you: never will I forsake you." (Heb. 13:5) Hello Kate, he takes care of the birds and the flowers, why would he not take care of you?

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do no see." (Heb. 11:1)

Needless to say, I am comforted by the words of God, I've dusted myself off from the lies of Satan and I'm ready to continue on this journey of semi-joblessness until God provides the right thing for me and I don't think it will be doing something I hate since I still feel like I jumped when everyone else probably thought it wasn't safe to jump.

Arise from the dead....

2007-04-12T15:21:00.000-05:00

My Utmost for His Highest has to be one of the most challenging books I've encountered. It's great though. Summer 2005, I lived in NC before I moved here in January 2006, in a cabin in the woods, alone, and I read My Utmost every morning and I just learned and grew so much that summer, it was probably the best thing that happened to me, but that's a story for another post.

So I decided to pick it back up this week after seeing a friend reading it and remembering how useful it had been to me before. I just did some flipping, decided to not follow the dates today and landed on February 16, entitled The Inspiration of Spiritual Initiative. This one is just so good and applicable, I just have to share it.

I'm pretty much going to type out the whole thing here, it's pretty self-explanatory, so I don't have too much to interject.

"Arise from the dead..." (Eph. 5:14) Not all initiative, the willingness to take the first step, is inspired by God. Someone may say to you, "Get up and get going! Take your reluctance by the throat and throw it overboard -just do what needs to be done!" That is what we mean by ordinary human initiative. But when the Spirit of God comes to us and says, in effect, "Get up and get going," suddenly we find that initiative is inspired. We all have many dreams and aspirations when we are young, but sooner or later we realize we have no power to accomplish them. We cannot do the things we long to do, so our tendency is to think of our dreams and aspirations as dead. But God comes and says to us, "Arise from the dead...." When God sends His inspiration, it comes to use with such miraculous power that we are able to "arise from the dead" and do the impossible. The remarkable thing about spiritual initiative is that the life and power comes after we "get up and get going." God does not give us overcoming life - he gives us life as we overcome. When the inspiration of God comes, and He says. "Arise from the dead...," we have to get ourselves up; God will not lift us up. Our Lord said to the man with the withered hand, "Stretch out your hand" (Matt. 12:13). As soon as the man did so, his hand was healed. But he had to take the initiative. If we will take the initiative to overcome, we will find that we have the inspiration of God, because He immediately gives us the power of life.

I guess this rings true with me b/c after quitting my job and stepping into the unknown, I truly was dead in my job b/c it wasn't my passion and now that I took the initiative and I am following my passion, I have His inspiration and I really do have life as I am overcoming.

AND! With the celebration of Easter last week and the hope that comes from the tomb, knowing that God/Christ is only capable of rising from the dead, then it would only make sense that only He can tell us to "Arise from the dead..." and give us life through spiritual initiative.

holy crap it's been a while....

2007-04-11T20:49:00.000-05:00

....i'll try to do better for my faithfulchrissextonreaders.

so a lot has been going on, if i blogged all of my thoughts, well, at least people would have something to read.

i downloaded this song from apple's free downloads of the week and since i can't articulate my feelings well, i let songs do it, here are some of the lyrics. i'm just going to be vulnerable with this one, but it's something i've been dealing with a lot lately. here goes...

She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sounds that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and complements.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she sees make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
And she needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfection.

She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way

Cuz she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

I really feel like this. i think most girls do, but i'm really struggling with loving myself. and loving oneself is very different from being selfish. i've always felt this way, but i'm finally letting myself admit to myself that i don't love myself...are you following me?

i don't think i'll ever find someone until i can finally love the me God created. sometimes i think that no one will ever love me b/c of all the reasons i don't love myself, but how can i ever let someone else love me if i don't love myself? whew, that was a tongue twister! just something i've been thinking a lot about lately.

i suck...

2007-01-19T19:27:00.000-05:00

location: whole foods, wade avenue, raleigh, nc
time: approximately 5:00 p.m.
subject: hot man, approximately my age, possibly single, did i mention hot?

ok, so i've known this for a while, i need to get over this soon, sooner than later actually, i have a phobia of hot men, yes, it's true. i'm very, very intimidated by them. i mean, why would the hot man like me and what are the chances said hot man is single (they never are).

i'm browsing the aisles of an especially crowded whole foods when i spot him, mr. hotness himself. he turns around and looks at me and i avoid eye contact! i can't even smile at him! what is my problem?! i have a very serious problem...very serious.

i see mr. hotness several more times, still can't smile at him and can barely look at him. however, i did stare him down while standing in line. he was just so hot and seemed so nice. as i stared at him, i realized he looked familiar, but i couldn't quite place him, until i checked out the magazine stand and who was on the cover of some magazine? his twin, matthew fox.

i'm never going to date....sigh.......

Happy New Year to me!

2007-01-02T22:28:00.000-05:00

this picture is kind of mean considering, but it's still hilarious

monday morning i was driving home from a friend's house on georgia 316 (only the worst road ever, there is a traffic light at every crossroads and you typically get each one) where the speed limit is 65, meaning i'm going to drive 75. so i'm driving along and look down and whoa, i'm going 75 and think maybe i should slow down (remember those traffic lights?) and i get down to 70 and hello, 3, count them THREE cops, but i think, "oh i'm ok, i'm only going 5 over." well apparently that was too fast and i get PULLED over! holy crap, i'm 9 hours into 2007 and i'm getting pulled over!

so the cop comes to my window and asks me where i'm going in such a hurry (69) and i ask him what the speed limit was, b/c seriously? and APPARENTLY the speed limit changed to 55 somewhere up the road...YIKES!

he then asks me if he gives me a warning will i slow down...."yes sir!"

i still have to give him my license and he asks if the address (georgia address) is my current address and b/c i CANNOT LIE i say yes and then volunteer that i don't live there anymore! SERIOUSLY!?

so i get a warning for speeding AND for not changing my address.

at least it was a warning. happy 2007 to me! maybe my "luck" will hold out!

Final Friday, Final Day!

2006-12-22T10:02:00.000-05:00

patience: bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint

i have a hard time with this one. in this technology age when i can get pretty much everything i want immediately, waiting is just too hard.

there are several things in my life i am waiting on, so close, yet so, so far away. i have a feeling this next stage in my life will be a period of growth in patience and trust. i hope i'm up for the challenge, i guess i'll have to be b/c my whole life is hanging in a suspension that is out of my reach, i can't control it.

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Ecclesiastes 7:8

**speaking of patience, my computer won't allow me to post a picture, so before i lose said patience i'm going to post this thing and be done with it.

Final Thursday...

2006-12-21T15:59:00.000-05:00

me at age 3 or 4 i guess at my grandparent's house. my cousin found it and thought it would be fun to bring it to work to show everyone. then leo (bestest coworker friend who likes to make fun of me at every opportunity) thought it was most necessary to scan it, i look forward to seeing what he does to it. he also said i had an evil grin. and yes, those are pound puppies, i have 2 in my hand, you just can't see them b/c they are black! oh to be a kid again!

Final Wednesday...

2006-12-20T14:56:00.000-05:00

I think this is in a previous post, but it fits and I love toothpaste for dinner it makes me laugh.

I have nothing profound to say, not that i often have profound things to say...i wish i did.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Ps. 28:7

i am just so excited about my life...God is so good and i can't help but praise him even though i have no idea what is going to happen next...i love it!

Final Tuesday....

2006-12-19T14:30:00.000-05:00

and i am bored.

what is up with this weather? it's nice and all, but not for december. it doesn't even feel like christmas is next week. i'm kind of ready to bundle up for once. a couple of weeks ago, with temperatures in the 30s and 40s was glorious. even the alps are having snow troubles.

bring on the cold! (and bring on friday too, i can't take this much longer)

Final Monday...

2006-12-18T11:21:00.000-05:00

i'm fairly certain i had an outfit like that when i was 3 or 4, but this isn't me. that hair is fabulous though!

Maybe I'll document every single last day of my last week at work. I am super bored.

one of my favorite websites to waste time on: www.foundmagazine.com.

it will make you look at trash on the ground in a whole new way. since discovering this website, i have found some interesting things, such as a balled, slightly ripped ticket to a man for public drunkeness. i can't imagine he paid it since i found it. it was clear from the way it was wadded up that he wasn't too happy about it either. ha!

one thing i don't miss....

2006-12-14T13:11:00.000-05:00

finals! no more panic attacks, sleepless nights, information overload, short-term memory loss. i don't miss any of it.

well, now that i think about it, i do miss study sessions such as these. these are some friends of mine still lucky (i say that loosely) enough to have finals (L to R: Aubry, best bear hugger EVER, Rebecca - who is often quoted on my wall, and gerry, who lives in a trailer and is married). they are in the SLC (Student Learning Center for you North Carolina people) and i'm sure there was much fun and little studying. i do miss that, but that's the only part.

'tis the season to have time on my hands!

Relevant

2006-12-12T17:01:00.000-05:00

I resigned from my job last week, I'll be officially unemployed next Friday. Am I ok with this? Absolutely! Am I worried about not having a job? Sometimes. But I know I did the right thing. No question, without a doubt.

In my new found or I guess I should say, reinstatement of, boredom at work, I read Relevant Magazine every other day or so. Today I found this article about faith and quitting your job. Amazing!

Here is an excerpt:

" I still don’t know what is next, and am sometimes not exactly sure why I resigned and have to battle my doubt and my mind often but am learning to embrace the difficulties and uncertainties that I face because I can cling to the One who is. He just is. There is something about his “I am-ness” (Exodus 3:14) that gives me the courage to move, that makes my faith real, that wraps me up and holds my hand.

So I quit my job, I did not go back in the fall, and everything is not easy and perfect. Irresponsible? Some would say yes. Immeasurably more? Even though nothing is nailed down, yes. He is showing me the immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine in each new day and that is enough foresight. He is enough.

Faith moves. Be encouraged. Let Him move you."

I mean how awesome!? I'm so excited to see what is next, I'm not worried and I'm not even planning (which is huge for me, i love to plan, but God has been laughing in the face of the plans I've made the past few months, so I quit trying.)

Woo Hoo! I'm enjoying the ride called life!

If you want to donate to the "How Kate is going to pay for life now" fund, please leave me a message! :)

Seriously?

2006-11-21T16:08:00.000-05:00

This beats any crazy driver story you will ever have. I was PASSED last night by someone driving down the middle of a two lane, that's right, crazy man passed me and the volvo in the right lane down the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! Who does that? I called 911 on him, i hope he was pulled over, idiot.

one of my secrets

2006-10-22T18:08:00.000-05:00

every sunday i read http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ and i find so many that could be mine. today this is one of "mine."

oh that cherry tree....

2006-10-17T16:17:00.000-05:00

i cannot lie. and sometimes i lack tact and say what i think.

i'm going to get myself in trouble one day.

October 11, 1983

2006-10-11T06:21:00.001-05:00

sometimes i feel like this

2006-10-10T21:00:00.000-05:00

i'm not complaining here....

6th and green is a warm place in November
When the air is cold and the leaves blow on the ground
And I don't think that I can even remember
Why it was that i came to this town

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight

This is me on the eve of an ending
To what I've known's been constant for a year
And I'm so scared of this pain that I'll be sending
Sometimes I just want to run away in fear

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight

No, I haven't heard your voice in two weeks now
And anticipation's been wearing me thin
And I just can't help but wonderin' baby if somehow
We could tear these pages out and begin again

Because I just want to be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moonlight
I just want to be lonely tonight
With no one around to see the sight
Of me lying here

'Cause this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
I said this is the hardest thing I've ever done before
And I don't want to be lonely
But I won't be lonely tonight
Because my maker's holding me

things i hate:

2006-10-04T20:39:00.001-05:00

being an adult

i think....

Kansas

2006-09-28T14:29:00.000-05:00

Life is funny, I was talking to my former cube neighbor Tess about how our lives are changing and we are moving on with life doing this or that. Oftentimes people say (and i've said it before in my blog) "if i only knew then what i know now" and how crazy that we have already grown up so much in the past two or three months that things are happening we weren't really expecting to happen and we reflect that if we only knew then what we know now and basically we are just floating through life, like dust in the wind. so of course, i have a song to express the moment, of course it's not too original given the title, but appropriate nonetheless.

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

[Now] Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.

aimlessness

2006-09-17T11:59:00.000-05:00

this post has no purpose other than to get a few things off my mind, aimlessness

i registered for a half marathon on friday, good thing my knees are killing me...glucosamine chondroitin, biofreeze and advil will be my new best friends now. regardless, i'm excited about running 13.1 miles!

i'm really really REALLY miserable at work. i try not to talk about work on this thing b/c of employer snooping, but i'm miserable. mostly b/c i hate wasting 1.5 hours of my day in my car. that's 7.5 hours a week i'm just driving. i won't even go there with how much i spend on gas. so i spend all that time and money driving to go sit in my freezing cold cube to do nothing. i pray and pray and pray for a new job. i'm torn btw. praying for "God's will" and just flat out asking specifically for what i want. but i believe we should be specific and dang it i am being specific and i'm still driving and hating work. HATE IT! and why does it seem that everyone around me is just as happy as they can be and i can't even find the desire to be happy anymore, not until i get a new job. i know this sounds ridiculous. but let's examine this. most days i wake up at 5:30 and go to bed around 10, that's 16.5 hours i am awake. if i start counting the time i leave for work until the time i get home 10.5 hours are spent related to my job each day so that's 52.5 hours a working week out of 82.5 a working week that i am in my job. that's a huge percentage. life is too short to be miserable that many hours each working week.

moving on. i really really love this weather. it's amazing. it's been so nice lately. our windows are open and sleeping with windows open makes for the best sleep. i run in this great neighborhood with great old houses and little kids that play outside and dogs bark at me and i can smell dinner being cooked and now the leaves crunch beneath each step. it's the most glorious time for me. i don't run with music anymore, i don't even know what i think about, i just clear my head. but i was thinking the other day how i wish i could go trick or treating and i'm a little more envious of children.

i'm so confused, if you have any idea what i should do with my life other than check facebook like it's my job please let me know.

office space

2006-09-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

i've seen this movie multiple times, i enjoy this movie, it's hilarious, what makes it even more hilarious is i can totally relate to Peter save the boring office space (ours is at least not as bland)

here are some of my favorite quotes :

Peter Gibbons: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

Samir: No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window.
Michael Bolton: You and me both, man. That thing is lucky I'm not armed.
Samir: Piece of shit.
(this is so perfect, except i hate my computer)

Joanna: So, where do you work, Peter?
Peter Gibbons: Initech.
Joanna: In... yeah, what do you do there?
Peter Gibbons: I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
Joanna: What's that?
Peter Gibbons: Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
Joanna: You're just not gonna go?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Joanna: Won't you get fired?
Peter Gibbons: I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
Joanna: So you're gonna quit?
Peter Gibbons: Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.
Joanna: When did you decide all that?
Peter Gibbons: About an hour ago.
Joanna: An hour ago... so you're gonna get another job?
Peter Gibbons: I don't think I'd like another job.
Joanna: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...
Peter Gibbons: You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.

Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been *missing* it, Bob.

This is SO my life!

Top 1 of the week

2006-09-10T07:38:00.000-05:00

No point in making a list, only 1 thing worth noting here:

GEORGIA 18
S. CAROLINA 0

Nothing like watching Spurrier's boys screw it up time after time. And we had our 3rd string QB in! Granted, he's up and coming, quite possibly better than Joe T. and with a little practice with the offense could have an excellent starting season.

I wish I had a picture of Spurrier throwing his classic visor, but I couldn't find one from last night.

GOOOOOO DAWGS!

Well Rounded

2006-09-08T14:47:00.000-05:00

i took a personality test to see if i'm a type A or B personality and like i've always known, i'm well rounded.

	Personality Type

Your score = 68

You seem to be in the middle between the Type A and Type B personality. In this case, the middle ground is good. Your attitude to life is more of the "smell the roses" kind and you know how and when to relax. Nonetheless, you realize that picking up a challenge and competing a little bit for your place in the sun can add some spice to your life. The equilibrium is important, so don't let your hostile, aggressive, and competitive alter ego take over too often. Generally, you are easy to be around, and people tend to feel relaxed and comfortable in your presence. Yours is a very healthy attitude towards life.

cool!

Kate's Top 10 - 9.04

2006-09-05T16:09:00.000-05:00

10. after all of the weddings i've attended, been a bridesmaid in, i'm finally a maid of honor, it had to happen one day! yay krystie!

9. finding new job prospects

8. cheaper gas

7. bike rides - especially at 5:30 in the morning, just light enough to see until the sun rises in all of it's incredible glory.

6. signing up for a half-marathon - yep, november 18th, i'll be treking it down 13 miles of pavement with my asics btw. me and the pavement.

5. rainy days/thunderstorms

4. baked sweet potatoes

3. www.foundmagazine.com - check it daily for randomness, then i bet you'll slow down a little more often to find your own found objects.

2. text messages

1. long weekends

fish out of water

2006-09-04T12:08:00.000-05:00

i don't feel like i fit in here. in georgia i had dozens of friends, i could call anyone i wanted at any time and find something to do, someone to hang out with. here, not so much. i feel like my personality and interests are so far from everyone else's that i don't really click with anyone. i mean i've met great people that i hang out with, but it's not the same. i wonder if it ever will be the same? probably not.

i think i should have gone home this weekend to see people, soon, i'll have to go back to georgia soon.

why am i still here? b/c clearly i haven't been happy the past 9 months.

If i knew then what i know now...

2006-09-01T14:30:00.000-05:00

look at it go! classic

i just learned about sheep riding, sheep riding is basically training the little ones for bull riding. now the PBR is getting huge, lots of sponsorship $$ and way more publicity, huge on OLN. anway, i wouldn't want to be a bull rider. but a sheep rider, that would be fun!

so, knowing about sheep riding now, if i knew about sheep riding as a kid, i may have asked the parentals to let me ride sheep. i think it would have been fun.

now i'm too big.

Technologically challenged

2006-08-31T09:36:00.000-05:00

now this is a man who understands technology, loves it in fact. sometimes i feel like this at work.

so apparently i am the only one who couldn't figure out how to continue using my old blog and thus created this new one. i sit in front of a computer all day, one would think i would understand it and its inner workings. not to mention that i'm part of the technology generation, these things shouldn't escape my understanding. i feel like i may be losing brain cells due to lack of brain use, looks like technology is the first understanding that is leaving.

oh well, what is done is done and this is my new blog and i'm not even sure it matters as i don't think anyone reads it anyway.

Doubtful

2006-08-30T16:11:00.000-05:00

I've said before that song lyrics often say it all.

Here is another one. It's fairly self-explainatory, I just feel like this sometimes. I'm sure we can all relate.

This is also a tribute to the soon to be no more Nickel Creek, yes, you read right.

Doubting Thomas ~ Nickel Creek

what will be left when i've drawn my last breath,
besides the folks i've met and the folks who know me,
will i discover a soul cleansing love,
or just the dirt above and below me,
i'm a doubting thomas,
i took a promise,
but i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith,

sometimes i pray for a slap in the face,
then i beg to be spared 'cause i'm a coward,
if there's a master of death i'll bet he's holding his breath,
as i show the blind and tell the deaf about his power,
i'm a doubting thomas,
i can't keep my promises,
'cause i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith

can i be used to help others find truth,
when i'm scared i'll find proof that its a lie,
can i be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs,
that prove i'm not ready to die,

please give me time to decipher the signs,
please forgive me for time that i've wasted,

New Profession

2006-08-28T12:15:00.000-05:00

I know what I want to do with my life! I want to be an undercover cop!

Let me give you some background, NC drivers are nuts! (My apologies to my NC friends, but I have only witnessed such behavior here) Put some of these people in a car and they lose their minds. I have also never been one to use the horn, but sometimes it is necessary. I know we are living in a fast paced society, but these people are ridiculous!

2 classic examples:

#1 - I'm sitting at a stop light in Raleigh, I'm on the line, first one, when all of a sudden this car comes out of line, drives up the RIGHT turning lane and proceeds to start cutting me off at the light. So, being a novice horn blower, I blew my horn, b/c who does this?! Well the light turns green and they totally cut me off, so I laid on my horn this time and they waved their hand out the window like I was supposed to let them do that! I'm sorry but unless you have a flashing light, a siren or you are holding you left leg in your right hand that is ILLEGAL!

#2 - Again I'm sitting at a traffic light in Sanford and I am the first person when from behind me comes this car, he turns right, right into the road with the green light and then makes a right turn. MY light turns green and happen to go the same direction as this guy, yeah, he's peeling into the parking lot of a shopping center with an Eckerd, a dry cleaner. and a pizza restaurant. So necessary for him to do that, again ILLEGAL!!

what are these people thinking? Really, you just did that?

Kate's top 10

2006-08-27T19:39:00.000-05:00

My Sunday top 10, a new tradition....perhaps.

10. mat kearney - www.matkearney.com - hip-hop meets, pop, meets acoustic folk with spoken verses

9. matt wertz - www.mattwertz.com - acoustic, better than John Mayer

8. thunderstorms

7. my 16 oz nalgene bottle

6. www.visiodei.org - this is the new church that the church i was going to is starting. the site is under construction right now, so check back. Visio Dei = Face of God

5. waking up with aching muscles after a good run

4. postsecret.blogspot.com - I bet you'll find a secret or two you didn't know you had, updated each sunday

3. 48 hours of no obligations, also known as the weekend

2. Current read - Relic, CREEPY, but in a good mystery sort of way

1. phone calls: ones that are unexpected, ones that catch you up, ones that bring announcements

that's all you need to know!

missed opportunity

2006-08-26T13:02:00.000-05:00

i missed the triathlon this morning...overslept.....DANG IT!

there goes the "1 triathlon a month" goal.

this picture is kind of hilarious, any takers on this poster for their room? however it does convey how i felt this morning when i FAILED to get up on time.

oh well, you win some you lose some.

changes

2006-08-25T18:25:00.000-05:00

so apparently blogger has decided to change itself with a lot of technical stuff i don't understand thus forcing, i mean forcing me to create a whole new blog. stupid. so here's my new blog.

guess it's not that bad...the name comes from a quote i found on someone's facebook profile that i didn't know, but found b/c i was bored at work.

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

i already forgot my original intent of blogging today. but i think i'm going to try to do a better job of updating more often, less talk. considering the work flow lately, shouldn't be too hard. check back and leave comments, they make me happy! :)